


Only in the USA.

by dsa_archivist



Category: due South
Genre: Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2000-04-27
Updated: 2000-04-27
Packaged: 2018-11-10 16:18:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11130330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dsa_archivist/pseuds/dsa_archivist
Summary: Fraser and Kowalski babysit a suspect.





	Only in the USA.

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Speranza, the archivist: this story was once archived at [Due South Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Due_South_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Due South Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/duesoutharchive).

Ray heard a single tap followed by two quick ones, and then another  
single tap, and after checking the peep hole, let Fraser into the hotel  
room

Title: Only in the U.S. of A.

Author: Debbie Hann

Ratings: PG

Pairings: none

Teaser: Ray K and Fraser read the paper while babysitting a suspect

Disclaimers: Alliance owns Fraser and Ray K.; I just took them out and let them play for a bit. I also do not own Mr. Rivenburg's column, however much I enjoy it. I'm not making any profit from this story, etc, etc, etc.

Feedback: Yes, please!

Hey all ok, I actually got the quote Ray reads from the 10/8/99 "Off Kilter" by Ray Rivenburg, which appears in the Life and Style section of the Los Angeles Times does anyone else get this column? It's great anyway, I saw this snippet, and decided Ray and Fraser needed to find it! 

~*~*~*~*~

Ray heard a single tap, a pause followed by two quick ones, and then another single tap, and after checking the peephole, let Fraser into the hotel room. "Cool, yer back, Fraze. What did ya' get?"

"The grocery store was quite low on reading material, Ray, but besides breakfast, I was able to secure the morning's newspaper," Fraser said as he put the bag down on the small table. "Any problems while I was gone?"

"Nope, notta one. Bacon-brain is still asleep," Ray Kowalski replied, leaning back from the waist so he could throw a glance in the connecting room. Yep, Spinaldo was still sacked out on the bed. 

Fraser was unpacking the sack. He had already set a container of freeze-dried coffee and a bag of Smarties on the table. Lifting out a box of powdered donuts and handing them to Ray, Fraser reached back in for his fruit, and brought out several crisp Granny Smith apples and two of the most beautiful mangos he had seen in quite a while. "Ray, you know, having some of this fruit would be a far healthier way..."

"Nah, Fraze, it I did that where would I get my daily dose of additives and preservatives?"

While Ray walked to the small bathroom for hot water for his coffee, Fraser adroitly peeled the mangos with his hunting knife, sliced the meat, and wiped his knife. By that time, Ray was back and plopping a handful of Smarties in his coffee with one hand while trying to jimmy the donut box with the other. Fraser reached over with his knife, and sliding it under the lip of the box, opened the box for Ray.

"Thanks, Fraze, handy little tool you got there."

"You're welcome, Ray." Fraser reached for the paper, "Do you have a preference for what section of the newspaper you would like to begin with, Ray?"

"Oh, yeah, the funnies. Gimme the funnies." Ray said, grinning at Fraser's look. "Hey, laughing is a very healthy way to start the day!"

Fraser still chose not to comment as he handed over the section and began reading the Front Section to stay abreast with current events.

Silence had fallen back over the hotel room when Ray suddenly choked on his second donut. "Ray, Ray! Are you alright?" Fraser reached over to pound on his friend's back, half rising, ready to perform the Heimlich if necessary.

"Yeah, Ow! Fraser, I'm fine! Stop trying to pound my spine through my breastbone!"

"I'm sorry, Ray, I was merely trying to..."

"It's ok, _I'm_ ok! It was just this "Off Kilter" column that guy does! The stuff he finds cracks me up! Wait, here, listen to this: 'A Tennessee author has published a book claiming that the U.S. government discovered the Holy Grail in Mongolia in 1934.'" Ray had to stop reading for a second while he giggled. "'But contrary to expectations, he says, the chalice Jesus drank from at the Last Supper resembles a 45-foot-tall phallus made of gold.' Can you believe that?! I'm sitting here picturing some sort of porno Indiana Jones thing!" 

"Why in the world would the Holy Grail have ended up in Mongolia?"

"Who knows, but isn't the story great?"

"It is rather bizarre!" 

"Only in the good ol' U.S. of A., Fraze buddy, only in the good ol' U.S. of A." Ray grinned and they continued reading the newspaper.

Fin!

Copyright October 1999, Deborah Hann


End file.
